New Routine

It's hard saying goodbye to the kids on Sunday evening and watching them drive away to their dad's house.

Yep, you read this correctly. Caleb has his driver's license now, so he drives everywhere!!

Though saying goodbye every other Sunday evening is hard, I determined that I would make this new schedule work in my favor. 

After saying goodbye to the children, I changed into workout clothes, and exercised at my nearest YMCA. It was only an hour until closing, but that is just enough time for me to work up a sweat.   :)

Then, I returned home and stripped all the beds for laundry. Since the kids aren't home this evening (nor all week), it won't matter to leave clean laundry sitting on the couch until I have time to fold it and//or make their beds!

In between laundry, I read the Science chapter for tomorrow's in-class quiz, which happened to be on electricity and magnetism. I hope to remember the concepts for tomorrow, acknowledging that I really should read these chapters sooner than the evening before the quiz.

Taking a break from Science, I cleaned the kids' bathrooms while my iPod blared music from Pandora Radio. Cleaning with blaring music remains my favorite household activity!!!

The best part is that the kids' bathrooms will remain clean ALL WEEK !! Woohoo!!

Throughout the remainder of this week, I will clean various parts of the house a little at a time (kitchen; downstairs), and then walk by the kids' bathrooms to enjoy the fact they're staying CLEAN!  Haha!  :)

Breaking up housecleaning throughout the week while the kids are gone, helps me not miss the kids so much, and also means I don't really have to clean when they ARE here. Cleaning the house every other week makes me happy.  :)

After we separated, Richard rented a bedroom in the basement for one year, and just moved out a couple weeks ago (divorced for 7 months; shared house for kids to slowly ease into their adjustments/changes). I am finally organizing and fixing up the basement to my satisfaction. I am also in the process of figuring out how to hang a beautiful tapestry my mom gave me several years ago. I temporarily have it nailed (ahem, don't judge me) to the wall, and what joy to hear the kids exclaim, "It looks nice downstairs, mom!" 

When I put forth effort to make our house look more homey in spite of the fact that certain items are now missing (from divorce/Richard's move out), I've noticed that it makes the kids happy.  :)  :)

Instead of nagging Antonin to finish moving from his old bedroom (an office) to the room his dad had moved out of .... I finally took matters into my own hands and moved all his items to the new room, including clothing he had complained he didn't know where to store. You see, I need to find a dresser for him .... but I made things work in his closet and foot locker.

My going ahead and fixing his new room, WORKED!  My showing a good attitude by being positive and upbeat, was the best medicine. 

Antonin ended up singing while vacuuming his room ... I could hear him all the way upstairs, and it made my heart happy.   :) 

The children will eventually adjust going back and forth between two houses, and I will continue to remember how attitudes are extremely catching. If I desire for my children to adjust well to this -or any other- change, I need to model being positive. It may not come naturally some days, but sometimes the heart (feelings) follows the head (thoughts). The effort in putting a foot forward in cheerfulness, often produces a happy heart.

 Yes, I will refrain from complaining about items I no longer have. I can use creativity that God gave me, to make this house look like a home again .... and it's on its way!

 My house is looking nice and cozy!  :)

I'm back!

I haven't blogged since June!?

Well ... life keeps me busy, what can I say.  :)

I was in the middle of taking two summer classes when my divorce became final. How on earth did I concentrate well enough to pull two A's that semester?   

Another reason it took so long for me to resume blogging, is because I wasn't sure what to say!  I was adjusting to being a single mom, and I didn't think everyone wanted to listen to me moan & groan.  :)

Now divorced for seven months, I think I may be able to blog without sharing about divorce, or other upsetting controversial topics. I'll share my new life as a single mom, but I have no desire for discussion or debate regarding  divorce/dating/remarriage, nor the gay Christian community of which Richard belongs. God remains the Sovereign Judge over all, and I'd like to keep things that way.  :)

So .... what's been happening in my life as I move on?!?!

I'm entering a new semester of  12 credit hours, while working 15-18 hrs a week. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm going a bit crazy, but know this will all be worthwhile one day! I have two more years until my BA degree, and then can elementary school job hunt!  I have enjoyed working with toddlers and preschool age children, but my true desire is to assist elementary school age children.

I find it a challenge keeping up with what's going on with my own kids' school activities (or news), and miss being much more involved in their school days. I'm grateful for email updates from the schools, and am attempting to write everything down this semester .... so I don't forget any band concerts!!! Yes- one evening last semester I was informed (by daughter) of a concert that I didn't know about!!  There have been plenty of such moments, making me feel like a total failure. Then grace steps in and says, "You're ok!  Just go to the concert (or fill-in-the-blank) and enjoy. Smile!" :)

I am learning to live fully within each moment, not expecting perfection from myself nor anyone else.  

My kiddos have grown so much!!!  Caleb now has his driver's license, and Antonin has completed his online driver's ed.instruction. He will be getting his learner's permit the end of February!!!  Ashlyn is very eager and happy to help cook & bake in the kitchen, and her confidence makes me smile. I don't think I was quite as eager to work in the kitchen at her age. I remember always wanting to be outside when I was 12.  :)

Someone told me that I look like a kid in the family picture below.  It's nice knowing that I look young enough to be an older sister.  lol!

These blog posts are going to be short and very random until I get the hang of this again.

Until next time .... have a happy weekend!!

~Changes~

I have been so busy!

Our divorce was final this past Wednesday, and the days leading up to it contained a mixture of  overwhelming fear and anxiety. Surprisingly, I felt the most peaceful the day it was final. I questioned myself, wondering why on earth I didn't feel worse. I actually felt much better- a sense of relief. Why? I have no idea, but maybe some day I'll be able to articulate it.

Richard took me to Panera Bread before heading over to the courthouse. Yes, our relationship remains a civil friendship. The picture below, is looking out of the courthouse window. Afternoon thunderstorms are typical during the summer, and I watched the lightning in the distance thinking how I was leaving the storm clouds behind, walking towards the sun.  :)

This entire experience has taught me never to make hasty judgments about people without knowing their entire story.  Richard & I were married for 18 years, and had three beautiful children together.  Never in a million years did either of us think this would happen.

However, Richard had fought against who he was, until he couldn't take it anymore. 

He's known he was gay since puberty, but kept trying to hide and push back that piece of himself that was actually "him". It would be like a cat trying to be like a dog. Richard put forth much energy into being a husband to me, until it caused much anxiety and depression. No, I'm not a demanding woman- it's simply that I wasn't meeting his in-depth needs. His personal crisis peaked last summer, when he came out and said he could no longer continue faking being someone he was not. This was a matter of integrity for him, he said.

I respect him for not having affairs during our marriage, but I'm understandably saddened that he didn't have all this figured out before our wedding day 18 years ago. 

It's actually a much longer story that this, and maybe someday I'll share. A co-worker tells me that I need to write a book, and that she'll buy it. Haha!! Oh dear ... I don't know about that ....

The most difficult part, has been the debates, discussions, and major misunderstandings between family members.  Raw emotions and hurt hearts have difficulty listening and comprehending opposite sides of fences. I don't want to be in the middle, and try to stay out of it. I've often become angry, however, and am thankful for others' forgiveness when my fuse has blown. 

When this life comes to an end, the only thing that will matter .... is relationships. It won't matter what was debated, what grudges were held onto, or who had the final word. 

Relationships ... so necessary, yet complicated and complex in this world we live in. 

Yes, there is always another side to each person's story.  :)

 So ... I'm officially walking down a new, unfamiliar path.
 My summer classes are half-way through and are keeping me on my toes!  In fact, I probably should have been working on my Political Science class this evening instead of posting here. *sigh* .. I'm simply tired of that class.   :) I can't wait for July 31st- the end of summer semester.

 I'm enjoying my job at the family development center on campus, and love walking this path from a city park to my work's location. During the summer months I'm saving on parking permit costs since my summer classes are online. Come fall, I'll need to purchase parking permits again ... oh joy!

 So many changes, yet I know I'm on the right path. I'm grateful for the Lord's guidance so far, and have confidence of His everlasting love, care, and protection. We'll see what's down this road I'm traveling.  :)

 Here's a couple of beautiful sights that remind me of God's faithfulness even when He doesn't make sense. Even when we question His Sovereign plan (He knew this would happen? Why didn't he stop the wedding?!).

I know that I can trust whatever God is doing.

It's finally spring! :)

Ok, I think it's safe to say that spring has arrived in Colorado's mountains.  :)   Snow has turned to rain, everything is green, and the sprinkler systems are popping out... and it's time for flowers and gardens!

I could have started the peas and lettuce sooner, but didn't have the time to focus on gardening until my spring semester was finished! Lettuce and peas are cool weather plants, and grow well in the cool mountain air. Or at least that's what I researched for my English paper last semester. We'll see how they grow on our deck. Tomatoes don't perform well in this cooler climate, but cherry tomatoes can grow fairly well. Due to my liking tomatoes, I decided to give them a try. Yes, I know there's a good chance of their not thriving .... if all fails, there's always good farmer's markets.  :)

Did I mention how the spring wind can be strong and gusty here? I had placed freshly planted starter seeds on a lawn chair. A gust of wind came and knocked the lawn chair over, throwing the tiny pots completely upside down onto the deck. ugh!!  I'm planting more just in case ... and this time, the little pots remain on the deck floor (the wind doesn't move them when sitting on the floor).

And ... I planted flowers this year, too!  I was so excited to try this high elevation flower/ gardening thing since I didn't plant anything last year. Wish me luck in this experiment!  My hope is that at least the flowers survive.  :)

Oh- and when the sun shines in Colorado, it is intense. Being from the Midwest, I so easily forget and go without sunscreen. Yesterday, after planting flowers and seeds, I sat on the deck to enjoy the beautiful breezy weather and a chat on the phone with my mom. I quickly lost track of time, until I realized my legs were tingling. Lo and behold, I am now sunburned on the front of my legs, and my feet are tan!

This has never happened in all the years I sat on a Florida beach, hoping for tan legs and feet. It just doesn't happens at lower elevations. Ouch! I have discovered the dangers of high elevation suntans!

 I've been applying Aloe Vera gel to my legs, and since there's a green tinge to the gel my legs appear to have a green tint.   LOL!!   

We filed for divorce on St Patrick's Day, I plan to change my last name back to "Shelley" (Irish/Scottish origins), and now I have green legs.  Hahahah! 

One must look for humor in life... and be proud of being Irish?!

And ... always use sunscreen, especially at high elevations!!!   

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A couple of highlights from the last couple of weeks ....

Mother's Day was chilly, but nice (no snow). I took the kids to Mueller State Park, proving to be a pleasant time of exploration and simple togetherness.  :)  I am so grateful I get to be their mom!!

 Once my spring semester classes came to an end, I explored Denver with a friend from my former work place. Mabel has always made me laugh, and this "day out" was no exception. What a fun time inspite of the cloudy, overcast day!!  [the sun hid for nearly a week; quite unusual for Colorado]

 And ... last, but not least, I've desired staying put in Colorado Springs in spite of the divorce, partly because it's the best thing for children to have both parents involved in their lives, and partly because I honestly like it here. As you can see, there really are Purple Mountain Majesties!!

Tomorrow, my two online summer classes begin, and I'll grow busy again. My hope is to remain intentional within relationships- especially with my sweet kids'!! 

Aren't you thankful we don't ever do life alone- even in the crazy moments?? 

 Like I've said before, God multiplies my time many, many times over.

I'm looking forward to seeing what He does next week ...

Peace in the storm :)

Life is crazy!!! 

I'm sure most everyone would agree, and have their own stories to share.

First of all, the weather patterns in Colorado Springs are extremely changeable, with being in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains (6,000 feet above sea level). 

Spring time brings both nice weather, and not so nice weather. This is my second spring in Colorado, and I've learned to expect the unexpected. The weather forecast sometimes changes within hours, or in-between forecasts. One minute it's chilly and overcast, and then it's sunny and hot ten minutes later. One learns to always have a jacket within reach during the spring. Oh- and a water bottle.

{Beautiful sunsets make up for any inconveniences during the day.   :) }

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Ashlyn was thrilled over her little bird house project, and hung it in a tree with newly sprouted leaves. We were so excited that SPRING was HERE!!!!

 Or so we THOUGHT spring was here. An unexpected spring snow storm moved through Colorado, bringing high gusts of wind that caused blizzard conditions. Ashlyn's bird house shattered  .... and I was pleased with how maturely she handled the situation. I was more upset than she was, as I almost melted at the sight of the broken house. She informed me that next time she'd make a bird house with a hammer and nails (this one had been a kit, glued/pieced together).

 I was growing weary of winter, but like most spring snows in Colorado, it all melted away in two days flat. The sun is amazingly intense here!  

Besides the crazy weather, unpredictable events were taking place in my life, too!

I am the type of person who avoids drama at all costs, but somehow ... drama seems finds me anyway. I think it's simply called "Life".  Yes, reactions to our pending divorce, as well as work-place drama. No, I'm not talking about it on this blog.  lol!

Besides finishing up spring semester classes, I'm changing jobs so my hours will fit better around schedules. 

With attempting 12 credit hours this coming fall, I don't want to work more than 20 hrs/wk- for my sanity. This past semester, I've worked 28-30 hours, along with 9  college credit hours and balancing "life".  I'm trying very hard not to be an absent mom. I'd actually prefer being a stay-at-home mom like I was for 16 years ... but this is a new season of life.

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By the way, Colorado sun rises also make up for any inconveniences.   :)

Though when I saw this out my window, it was difficult concentrating on a paper due later that day. 

Honestly- I believe God  often stops time so that I can get more accomplished in a day.  :)

Even though life has been a tad difficult lately, He's been so good to provide exactly what I need.  He certainly has been a good, good Father!!

I just HAVE to share my favorite song, by Chris Tomlin:

Good, good, Father

~Beginning again~

Tonight, I began a "Starting Over Workshop".

Participating is adding more to my schedule, but I feel I need this, going forward in life as a single mom.

Though I was initially excited about this workshop when first signing up, my feelings turned to trepidation when driving to the location this evening. Why did I sign up, and why didn't I ask someone to come with me?!
 It's very scary walking into a strange place alone (my life flashed before my eyes) ....
I mustered courage to walk into the building and find the room ...to discover there were other people just like me. I breathed a sign of relief and took a seat.
I wasn't alone.
We all have scars and experiences we desire to process before moving forward with our lives. We don't want to be the person who constantly feels the need share a sob story to everyone we meet. We want to "get on with it" and enjoy our lives, be a blessing to others, be involved in community (like we used to) ....which means embracing our present lives for what it is. And, yes, it's certainly a process.

Tonight, we talked about "Myths on growing and healing".
During the next five weeks we'll cover topics like, "Understanding your identity", "The depths of forgiveness", "Letting go of the past", "How do I relate now?", and "Assuming new responsibilities".

There was an article recently in the Gazette, and thought I'd share it through the following link:

Starting Over!

I've already had eight months to process most things, and have sensed a transition within myself. I'm looking forward to continuing to learn and grow within this new life .... and then some day, hope to see what God's Sovereign plan was in all of this. If I believe God is Sovereign, I have nothing to fear, and everything to hope for.  

Crazy living

The hardest part about going to school, working a job,  and having three children .... is that I often feel guilty for my time spent on homework and study. 

Or, sometimes I forget about appointments, until Ashlyn sweetly reminds me of her Parent/Teacher Conference the next day. Eek- I quickly cover the surprise on my face and pretend I've always known. Haha! Good thing my attorney's appointment was scheduled for a couple hours after the Conference. Or maybe I had planned it that way all along?  I honestly don't remember. 

Ashlyn decorated her own Conference folder to share with us, and did a great job presenting her school work and grades. I think she's much more comfortable speaking in public than I ever was at her age. We were impressed! :)

I am thankful for how much Ashlyn loves her school. With it being her first year in public school, I was worried about her at first. She has a great relationship with her teacher and classmates, and has blossomed in many ways within her academics. There's no doubt in my mind that her school was a God-send this year. :) 

It's difficult to believe, but Ashlyn will be entering Junior High this fall- 6th grade!

Within my disbelief, I'm making a note to check into the Middle School's beginning band and/or choir, in case we should already be signing up. She's expressed an interest in choir, though I'd also like her to choose an instrument to learn.... so ... obviously, lots to consider and questions to ask  (hopefully we haven't missed any announcements...). 

 Trumpet player Antonin will be entering high school this fall, so I need to verify that he's all set with high school band. Can you believe he missed the band try-outs (because I was at work and he forgot and walked home instead of staying after school like he was supposed to). Anonin will do a great job in the entry level band for 9th grade ... even though I know he is capable of harder music.  Ugh!!!  Yes, these are the most difficult things in life, with balancing a job, family, and taking 9 college credit hours. I can either choose to get stressed out, or laugh. So, I choose to laugh.  :)  And ... I will also email the high school band teacher to ask questions.

Nothing to write about Caleb right now, other than he will be in 11th grade this fall, and is still in need of much driving practice/time. With the amount of snow we've been getting, and conflicting schedules, it seems he doesn't drive very often .... we're trying!!  :) Another guilt moment ..

 I need to finish this blog post and ask Ashlyn what's up. She's baking cupcakes for Easter, and has been talking about our plans tomorrow. It HAS been hard getting into the "spirit" of Easter traditions this year, so I'm really glad Ashlyn has made a list.  :) 

Did I mention there's about 5 inches of snow on the ground outside? 

Our plans tomorrow include going to church, eating a late lunch (ham, potatoes, etc.), and enjoying an indoor egg hunt (because of the snow). 

{.... I'm SO thankful for the true meaning of Easter!!! Jesus was thinking of me when he hung on the cross, and then rose from the dead. He took away ALL my shame and guilt so that I can live guilt-free. Yes, even within this crazy life I now find myself in (He knew what was going to happen). Though it's been difficult getting into the spirit of traditions this year, Easter now has an even greater and deeper meaning to me.}