New Beginnings :)

Wow!!  I have not written on this blog for over TWO YEARS!!!
This particular blog is now similar to reading a journal from a distant past.  :)
It's time for a new blog that reflects a new season, and a new journey! 

You can now follow me on:
https://juneflowermom20.blogspot.com/

 :)
 See you soon!

A truly happy new year!!

Yay, for getting through a 15 credit hour semester this past fall!!!  :) :)

     Life was a challenge, and we finally got the hang of things around November when the semester was nearly finished. What matters most, is that it's behind us!!! I have thoroughly enjoyed Christmas/winter break with the kids, as this was the first one in two years without disruptions or chaos! Two Christmases ago was when my ex told both our families that he was gay and we were getting a divorce (I was in agreement having known he was gay for 16 of our 18 years, and having had worked through everything together ... but chaos within the extended family ensued).
One year ago was when my ex actually moved out of the house. He had lived in the basement after our divorce, for both of us to regain financial stability. Though I had anticipated his moving out, it was still uncomfortable celebrating Christmas last year.

   All of that to say .... I enjoyed soaking in everything Christmas THIS year! I took Ashlyn to see the Nutcracker, partly for her 13th birthday, and partly for Christmas. We had such a great time together!! I entered a drawing for a free ticket to the Christmas Symphony.... and I won!!!  I was SO excited to attend the Symphony for my first time ever (I didn't have the kids that weekend, and they had other plans). 

We also made a gingerbread house and baked cookies for neighbors. I think it may have been the first time in a couple years (?) since baking for neighbors, and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

 At the Nutcracker! :)

My first Symphony!!!

                                                   My beautiful & fun daughter :)                     

      I was also starting over with Christmas decorations, due to the divorce. Thanks to after Christmas sales last year, and Hobby Lobby this year, my house once again looked like Christmas had arrived!!!   :)

     Christmas eve, we all attended Ashlyn's choir performance at the church where she and Antonin attend with their dad. What a nice evening! I am thankful we can all be on good terms with one another and remember the focus of life itself- Christ. Once we take our eyes off Christ, that is when chaos and strife develops.

     

     Now a new year is upon us- 2018!!! 

 I admit that I couldn't completely relax this winter break, because I was preparing to take my Praxis exam. The purpose of the Praxis is to become a certified educator within the state of Colorado.  I took my four hour exam yesterday without any breaks for food or water, because I'm such a slow test taker and needed the allotted time for each section. I passed all the sections well, except for math. :(   My scores in Language Arts, Social Studies, and Science, were well above the passing mark which surprised me! I was only a few points away from passing the math section.

     I will now find all my old math notebooks and review & practice everything I learned in college. I know that sounds funny and you're thinking "why didn't you do that in the first place?". Well, I had thought that practicing out of the Praxis book and the Praxis website would be sufficient. I see now, however, that the type of math questions can be anything other than practice tests. ;)  I am glad I can retake the math section only, instead of retaking all four subjects. Four hours of sitting in front of a computer screen is exhausting-especially without food or water!! That said, I wasn't really that hungry since I'm a nervous timed test taker. :)  

     One reason I didn't take the time to go through my old math notebooks pre-Praxis (among other "life happenings"), is because Caleb got his wisdom teeth removed this past Friday!! It had been recommended that his wisdom teeth come out last summer, but we waited for his dad's insurance to change for this new year. I'm glad we didn't wait any longer, because the oral surgeon discovered an infection in one area, and also removed a funky looking sore for a biopsy. We won't know the results of the biopsy until later this month. Caleb had a challenging weekend with the reintroduction of foods into his diet, but the great news is that he had little pain! He returned to school today, and I'm glad he is doing well!!

     Spring semester begins next week.Where did my winter break disappear to?! This semester, I will carry 12 credit hours and continue working my two part time jobs. I am becoming more excited that next year (2018-2019) is my student teaching year, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter!

     

     I'm anticipating this new year, named 2018. Wow! Where has the time gone?! Have I been sleeping? ;)

Making money at home- Penny Hoarder

Wow! Take a look at this list of ideas in making a few extra dollars in your free time!   :)
I have considered renting out a room downstairs, but the problem is that my kids are with me every other week.  lol! I am not certain how to work that out. ;)
 In between my lesson plans and homework assignments, I'll make a list of ideas that might potentially work for me! Click the link below to read the article.

https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/make-money/wfh/ways-to-make-money-at-home/

Single Mom Finances

     I am well aware that everyone has finances to balance- not just single moms. However, "finance" has been a large issue that I've noted within single mom circles & discussions, along with my own personal experience. What causes the struggle for single parents?  Perhaps, like myself, their annual income suddenly decreased post- divorce by about $12,000 a year (comparing to pre-divorce, joint income). Yes- my income decreased that much, even with being paid monthly support from my ex-spouse. Not only do single parents "lose" their former way of life, but the change in finance triggers fear in many.
 A single parent may hesitate asking for advice from family or friends during these financial changes, because they feel terribly embarrassed by the numbers. Sharing with a stranger may be more comfortable.   :)   My personal suggestion for single moms (or for anyone), is to meet with a financial adviser, like an Edward Jones professional. Financial advisers do more than investing in IRA's... they help one to consider personal life goals and set a present-time, realistic budget.
As I'm typing this, I realize I haven't been able to stick with one "pre-determined" budget, due to expenses constantly changing each month. As long as there's money to cover the bills, that's what's important, right?  lol!

Balancing my own finances .... I received student grants so that I could enter my third year of college, but this semester I still owed over $800 even after grants were applied to my account. I had had surgery to remove a benign ovarian tumor one month before school started, and wondered how I would pay for both school and medical bills. Thankfully, my Edward Jones adviser had previously set up a Money Market account, called an emergency fund. I was able to pay my college tuition this semester, as well as a medical & credit card bill. I requested a 12 month payment plan for paying my hospital bill, and am attempting to factor that into my monthly expenses so I won't use up ALL my emergency fund. lol! Putting $100/month back into the emergency fund sounds like it'll take forever, but I believe I have a working plan. :)
July & August were enormous months for the kids' school & medical, besides my own (with joint custody, I pay the first 60% of the kids' medical things, and I share other kids' costs 50/50)... and then there was one medical bill of my own that surprised me. I have definitely discovered the great importance of having an emergency fund, and encourage everyone to build one!

How am I keeping track of everything? Well, you know good and well that spreadsheets and/or written-out budgets don't always work.  Basically, I added all my expenses into my bank account for automatic monthly withdraw. Anything can be edited, and I love that I can see all expenses at a glance. The only thing NOT automatically withdrawn from my bank, is my credit card bills. I keep track of my credit card purchases, and then stop charging when I come to a certain amount. I know this sounds much more simplistic than offering a spreadsheet solution.... but it's what works for me.  :)  There may come a day when I'll need to make the minimum payment on my credit cards, but I am trying very hard to remain debt free. We'll see how long this lasts?  :)

Like other single moms, my biggest worry is the months when the 1st of the month lands on a weekend or holiday.  Mortgage is due and automatically withdrawn from the bank the first of the month .... but .... the Government Family Support thing... (my ex is required to pay support through it and not pay me directly)... is often delayed because of weekends or holidays.  So, sometimes it's a challenge making sure the mortgage money is in my bank at the end of any given month. lol!! I have met single parents with MUCH worse stories, so I am counting my blessings!!

Oh, the struggles and joys of making my own financial decisions!!  I am SO extremely grateful for how God stretches & rearranges money, and have so far been successful.  Though I was careful with money prior to my divorce, I never considered myself to be a "number cruncher"/financial expert. I'm hopeful that sharing my experience is an encouragement for those in similar situations. You may not see yourself  as "good with money", and I agree that spreadsheet formula's aren't always the key.  ;)  For me, I needed the support of a financial adviser. Do what YOU need to be a success, and refuse to get under the mentally that you're somehow  "$1,200/yr less than". Sure, your income may have significantly decreased, but that doesn't reflect what's inside your heart.  You are very capable ... because you're God's beloved!   :)  And... best of all... He is an amazing provider. Simply count the ways ....

I'm back again :)

I have obviously neglected my blog over the summer, and without good reasons "why".   :)  

In June, I visited Indiana with the kids to help celebrate my dad's 80th birthday and say farewell to my sister and brother in law who relocated to Florida.

The rest of the summer...? I honestly don't know where it disappeared. 

I had outpatient surgery 4 weeks ago to remove what was thought at the time to be a simple ovarian cyst. My Dr had been monitoring it since January since I tend to be conservative medically and wanted to give plenty of time to "resolve".  It turned out that it was actually a benign ovarian tumor instead! I'm grateful I didn't wait to take care of it. Tumors (vs cysts) continue growing larger in spite of preventive health methods, and also create growing issues. My mom traveled by airplane (her first time in 51 years) in order to be with me before, during, and after surgery. I know that's what mother's do, but I still think she's quite awesome!! I appreciate all her time and effort!  :)
Summer break appears to have been the best time for surgery... considering I'll carry 15 credit hours this fall.

I'm thankful for a good recovery, and hopeful to increase my exercise endurance in time. 

In light of the past two years... I sometimes believe my life story is one big joke. I have seen blessings mixed in, however, and don't take any of it for granted. I definitely understand the meaning of Jesus being "in the fire" with you. The "bad" or "unfortunate" never completely overwhelms nor consumes.

I'm entering my third year of college, and recently discovered that I will receive enough student aid to pay for this year's schooling. I am thankful for another year without student loans! [prior to my divorce, I was taking a couple of classes at a time and paying my way through. Now, I am a full time student, work part time, and a single mom].

 That said, I am not looking forward to this 15 credit semester and pray that God's "got this" and knows what He's doing. 
He knows I would rather be at home with my kids more often.
I certainly hope God's plans include more than my being in school for the rest of my life (education field- lol!). 

End of semester and beginning of summer!

I actually have this summer off! My semester ended two weeks ago, and am already questioning where time has went. Everything I had planned for this summer... is it getting done? oh my ..

Remember that Economics class that was killing me? Well ... the instructor resigned a week before finals and failed to leave a final exam for the Department of Economics to give us. Chaotic story shorter, everything was graded on the curve, and I handed in extra credit. I ended up with an A- in the class!!!

No, I don't know what was going on with the instructor's personal or professional life, but I'm so grateful the students were taken care of by the Chairman and Dean.  Another lesson regarding not worrying about anything. 

Even with the end of spring semester, I'm still lacking time, and find that exhaustion accompanies it. I don't understand how some people can hold certain expectations of me.... or of any other single mom in the world. They honestly don't comprehend the exhaustion and/or challenges of single parenthood. 

One expectation I've noted, is that I remain single for an indefinite amount of time until I have somehow reached a pinnacle of "maturity" for remarriage. How can others even know what's inside my heart and mind to know when I am ready for another relationship?! lol!! Wouldn't I know this before anyone else, since I know myself better than anyone could?  I have noticed that when someone loses a spouse through death, seeking another mate is much more encouraged and supported by outsiders and/or friends. However, when a person loses a spouse through divorce, the divorced person is assumed to need many years of counsel while remaining a single hermit, or face friends' silence or indifference on the topic of dating. In reality, someone who has processed an end of marriage and divorce over a span of 2-3 years (or more), may actually be more "emotionally mature" and ready for a new relationship than someone whose spouse just died six months ago. Oh- I also realize that some do not believe in remarriage after divorce, but I'm not referring to that and won't get into that discussion.  :) 

So ... people may wonder why single moms prefer hanging out with other single moms? The dating topic likely is a fraction of it.  lol!!

Anyone who has experienced single parenthood knows the exhaustion and challenges involved ... and the importance of "teaming up" with a future spouse (for the benefit of the children, by the way. This also totally goes against what most people think).

I enjoyed a quiet Mother's Day with my three special children!!

They really are a bright light in my life, and I'm grateful I had/have the opportunity to be their mom!

 Caleb now works at Dairy Queen and has his driver's license; Antonin has his driver's permit, continues to play trumpet in school band and participate in Track & Cross Country.

Ashlyn enjoys playing clarinet in band, and has done a WONDERFUL job adjusting to Middle School this past year!!!  I am immensely proud of ALL three kiddos for adjusting to going back and forth between two homes this semester. 

I got together with my mentor yesterday for coffee at Till's, and we thought these bicycle racks were pretty amazing!!!!    :)  :) 

 She's my mentor, but I think we're about the same age.  lol!!

What a treat getting together for coffee (latte for me)!!!

One summer project I'm hoping to get done quickly- possibly before our June trip to Indiana- is to repaint the deck. A thoughtful neighbor removed as much old paint as possible (with the boys' help), but paint is stubborn. Tomorrow, I will begin sanding .... and hopefully it will not take me all day since I'd like to begin painting. lol! Projects always end up taking twice as long, so we'll see how things go. This will likely be a Memorial Day project with the kids' help.  :)

And ... yes! I cannot forget to mention how impressed I am with doTERRA, and how much I love their essential oils!! I am implementing oils within my daily life, and have seen improvements in so many areas. For instance, even though the life of a single mom is one of exhaustion, being able to be "uplifted" by peppermint and wild orange fragrance clears the mind and helps one begin their day more positively. :)  I am honestly not as exhausted as I *could* be. My children are also benefiting, though they inform me that I'm addicted. lol!

My personal website in case you'd like to check it out:  http://mydoterra.com/sarajuneflower

Welcome Spring! :)

I am so grateful for a beautiful spring!!!! My life finally returned to a new normal during the winter, and I have anticipated new life for awhile!  :)  :)  :) 

I can finally walk around the neighborhood without thinking people are talking about me. Before you determine I'm just hyper sensitive ... it's very uncomfortable when neighbors sitting across the street suddenly stop their loud talking when you come into view during your walk. Yes, likely good & pleasant things were shared, but noticeable silence often stings more than words. I dislike not knowing what people are saying, and will join in the conversation next time.   :)  Honestly, by the end of the day, a single mom is very tired and not in the mood to approach individuals who appear to be observing her. No matter how nice the observant person is. :) Relationships and networking are both very important, however, and I need to work on being more open to spontaneous conversation with observant people.  Don't take me wrong ... I live in a fantastic neighborhood and am truly grateful for thoughtful neighbors who have been such a wonderful help (the best ones are the parent(s) of my kids' friends)!! :)   :)  I need to give back eventually ...

I have experienced an entire year of paperwork (filed for divorce last March), and am super excited to see a light at the end of the business tunnel!!! I am now a home owner, an Edward Jones customer, and a full-time college student. Nearly a year ago, I successfully applied for individual health & dental insurance, appealed for financial aid (& received 2 student grants!), and bought my first car (with a loan). Oh- and paperwork for auto and home insurance. :)   My Edward Jones person recommended getting Life Insurance and creating a Will. I groaned at the thought of MORE paperwork, but went ahead and applied for term life insurance. I plan to make an appointment soon with a lawyer to create a will. It's been two years ago in July, that I  first accepted the end of my marriage, and it's been one full year of endless paperwork. I am now good and ready for normal living!!  Well, a "new normal" living.  :)

Since I was still pretty new to the area, and had temporarily discontinued our church search during our separation and divorce process, I found myself attending Woodmen Valley Chapel since it was close by. It was only 10 minutes away. Seriously- I am always right on time these days (vs. being early), and I need a church to be as close as possible!!!
Through Woodmen Valley, I heard about a ministry for single moms, called "SEEN". I have been enjoying the times together, and often realize how blessed I am. My story could have been SO much worse!  I am often humbled when I recognize that I haven't yet struggled in areas other single moms have struggled. I'm often tempted to worry and fear that times will grow much worse since I've only been financially responsible for myself for 1 year (the women experiencing financial difficulty have been single longer), and then I quickly make myself think about Jesus, and ask Him to please keep taking care of me.

Though I've been financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually responsible of myself for just one year, it's been two years ago in July since my life changed. I am very grateful for God's grace, protection, and provision! I am immensely thankful that He has healed and begun a new work, and I have learned a lot more about myself than ever!! I have learned how to simplify life and do what is "well and healthy" for myself.   :)  I know that sounds hippy-like, but it's very true! So often, we fall into a rut of doing what everyone else does. "How would so-and-so respond to this problem?" In order to eliminate unhealthy stress, I've learned to ask God what is best for me before making decisions. I've made a few unwise choices, and discovered I had failed to pray and ask what was best for me in those situations. So .... I guess you'd say that I've been learning how to set aside any legalism that keeps wanting to hold on to me.  :)  I am thinking for myself, trusting that God somehow knows what He is doing. He has led me well into what's best for me. Nothing really makes sense at this point, but I'm sure there will be a better chapter one of these days. 

My spring semester is winding down, and my Economics class is killing me. The good news is that I paid extra to practice problems online (perhaps one of my unwise choices that now I think ended up being good)... and there is free tutoring on campus. I am hopeful to "hit" the tutoring later this week, and then study with a classmate on Saturday (a female- don't jump to conclusions so fast!). I honestly hope I do alright on the test!!

Two more years until my BA degree seems like a long time, and I am prayerful that God has more ideas in his mind for me besides schooling. :)  Some people think it's good to stay busy. I believe there is a good balance, and each person has to find their individualized balance. Staying aware of my children's continued need of me (even though they are teens & pre-teen), if I need to work less while in college, I will. Sometimes "busy" is not always good, and another area where I'm learning to listen to my heart. I want to do what's best for me and my kids.  :) Balancing my heart with real life is where I obviously need God to step in .....   lol!

Oh- I joined doTERRA essential oils to help keep myself and kids healthy. This is an area I have felt that I've needed to take better care of myself (health & wellness). I am loving my oils because they are amazing!  I will share more about my oils next time!!

March already!

So ... now it's mid-March?!

     Spring semester has been flying by with no holidays to celebrate (we didn't get President's Day off), and I'm very much looking forward to spring break next week!!!   :)  :) 

     I often keep my life to myself when in public or at work, because if conversation turns towards me, I hear, "I don't know how you do it!!"
Well, I simply place one foot in front of the other. No, I'm not a career driven woman, dreaming of my future job once I graduate from college in two years.
     If people could fully understand ... that I used to live my dream as a stay-at-home, home school mom. I used to have more time for things I enjoyed, including time spent with my children. Life wasn't perfect of course, but it was much more aligned with the desires of my heart.
     Now, I navigate a rigid schedule of full-time college student, homework, part-time employee, and full time housekeeper/mom...though I find little leisure time with my children. My present life is definitely not something to admire. Therefore ... when someone says, "I don't know how you do it!!!"  .... I reply, "I don't either!!"    :) 
     I've spent the last nine months keeping my head above a sea of paperwork. I received two student grants this year (after appealing for financial aid), and then began the process of refinancing my home and transferring half my ex-husband's retirement funds into my own Edward Jones accounts. I am so thankful that I don't yet have student loans, and am hopeful it will stay that way! 
     Nine months after the divorce was finalized (June 2016), I am happy to say that all paperwork has finally ended!!!  Woohoo!!!!
     With the refinancing process over, I'm now purchasing items for the house and making note of various projects I need to tackle. 
I found great deals at IKEA this past weekend, including a dresser for Antonin. I love how everything fit nicely in my RAV4!!!    :)  :) 

     Also, I've been redeeming my credit card points toward gift cards for various stores and restaurants. This way, I can feel like I'm getting free things for the house (or a great discount) when I go shopping.  And, I can eat at my favorite restaurant for "free" during my alone weekends.   :)  Yes, I am getting used to being alone every other weekend.  I know what you're dying to ask .... am I dating yet?
     I am discovering how difficult it is navigating the dating world, and find that having two teenagers and one pre-teen actually deters suitors. Plus, since I don't look my age, I shock many people with my *having* kids. lol! That would be funny if I end up with someone 20 years younger, since I'm constantly on UCCS's campus. Just because I wrote this does not indicate I will be jumping blindly into any relationships. lol!
     What about female friends?! Well, seeing how my life has changed 180 degrees .... when I have free time (weekends), most old friends are busy with their families. It's typically much easier going on a hike by myself on a beautiful day, than to try and arrange around others' schedules. Surviving full weeks means my brain grows tired of thinking and scheduling. The last thing I want to do is "think" for the weekends. This remains the most challenging aspect of single-motherhood, since I never plan ahead anymore (much more spontaneous) but I don't intend to neglect friendships!! I am doing the best I can, including making new single mom friends. It has been a refreshing experience meeting and getting to know other single mothers like myself at a weekly Bible Study. Perhaps, I will invite a couple of them on a weekend outing soon, since we're in the same boat and they may be just as spontaneous as me.  :)
                               

     Just remember ... unless you've walked in the rocky shoes of single mothers around you, be careful of your responses and jumping to conclusions about their character. They may just need to talk... and be reminded that they're still beautiful women. Also, allow your single mom friends to dream how their futures may look. There isn't anything inerrantly evil thinking optimistically toward the future and praying for a new chapter with a new boyfriend and/or husband. Some people call it "Hope".   :)

Life moves on

Life moves on .... I'm in the process of refinancing my house, as well as choosing a financial adviser to help me with retirement funds.

I'm guessing life may slow down after tax season?

I almost groaned today when I looked at the calendar to see how close we are to Valentine's Day. Not because I'm a single mom, nor that my anniversary used to be within the month of February .... but because I will need to stay away from Facebook and the radio. After awhile, everyone's mushy stories begin to annoy me. I was actually this way before the divorce, so maybe it's just me. I'll simply roll my eyes, sigh, and eat peppermint york patties. lol!  :)

No, February isn't bothering me due to my divorce.

My personality type is  INFJ (Meyer's Brigg's personality assessment), so I am honestly just fine!

 If you google INFJ, you will discover this personality has no trouble walking away from bad and/or unhealthy relationships once it's apparent all effort & hope has been exhausted. Richard and I had stayed married until he could no longer take the strain of being someone he wasn't. One of these days I may blog about my stance on gays...and our story ...

I must admit that the INFJ in me became annoyed by well-meaning individuals encouraging that things could "change", and the marriage restored. They couldn't begin to comprehend how I was relieved to walk away, and for Richard to finally move out. Yes, I would miss the deep friendship we had (we will always be friends), but the situation would not, could not, ever. "change".  Richard was Richard, and would always be Richard. Suggesting we return to a place where Richard was deeply depressed from attempting to love his wife (unnatural for him).... was not a place I desired to be. My INFJ personality had taken up slack where Richard lagged...and why people never knew by observing us, that he didn't deeply love me. 

So.... it was time to move on... the healthiest "next thing to do". 

God blessed with peace in moving forward (or INFJ resolve?)...and then I discovered others were hurting too .... and that my words weren't helping.    :(   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to the topic of February .... all is well this month. It really is.

 I'll love on my kids as usual.   :)  :)

Oh- and possibly date online?  Ugh!!!!

I honestly cannot stand the dating process, and am all for arranged marriages.  Joking!!!!!

I think that's an INFJ trait too .... quite capable of love, but hates "dating"....

For those wanting to read about INFJ's ....

https://www.google.com/#q=INFJ

Coffee

I'm at work at 7:30AM Monday mornings since my Science for Teacher's class takes up three hours of my late morning/early afternoon. Oh- the Science quiz was just fine, by the way! I actually like electricity and magnetism!

Anyhow, I  go to work early mornings,  due to classes and/or desiring to be home in the afternoons. My huge, huge weakness has been stopping at McD's for coffee or Latte's. Starbuck's is even better!

After a lame attempt to cut back ... I was still spending $22 on coffee/latte's last month according to my credit card statement ....

I decided that instead of "cutting back", I would simply make a substitution. I'd finally use the coffee pot that's been hiding in the pantry since the move here!! A friend from Illinois let me borrow it for my parties when I sold Watkins products (cooking spices; cinnamon; pepper; vanilla).

 Well, the coffee pot moved to Colorado with me, and I'm grateful that friend in Illinois is still my friend! :)  lol!

I've been making my own coffee each morning ... and have successfully fought temptation to stop at McD's on the way home from school or work. The battle is very real, however. It took all my willpower to come straight home today and NOT try out the nearest McD's drive through. 

I drove home and fixed my second cup of coffee (the first one was at 6:45AM).

Some days, one just needs coffee! Especially when you stay up late and get up early, right? lol!

I really am good about taking care of myself ... seriously.

But ... I'm a full time college student, part time employee, and a single mom. Coffee is my reality.

Or perhaps I just like the creamer.  :)

New Routine

It's hard saying goodbye to the kids on Sunday evening and watching them drive away to their dad's house.

Yep, you read this correctly. Caleb has his driver's license now, so he drives everywhere!!

Though saying goodbye every other Sunday evening is hard, I determined that I would make this new schedule work in my favor. 

After saying goodbye to the children, I changed into workout clothes, and exercised at my nearest YMCA. It was only an hour until closing, but that is just enough time for me to work up a sweat.   :)

Then, I returned home and stripped all the beds for laundry. Since the kids aren't home this evening (nor all week), it won't matter to leave clean laundry sitting on the couch until I have time to fold it and//or make their beds!

In between laundry, I read the Science chapter for tomorrow's in-class quiz, which happened to be on electricity and magnetism. I hope to remember the concepts for tomorrow, acknowledging that I really should read these chapters sooner than the evening before the quiz.

Taking a break from Science, I cleaned the kids' bathrooms while my iPod blared music from Pandora Radio. Cleaning with blaring music remains my favorite household activity!!!

The best part is that the kids' bathrooms will remain clean ALL WEEK !! Woohoo!!

Throughout the remainder of this week, I will clean various parts of the house a little at a time (kitchen; downstairs), and then walk by the kids' bathrooms to enjoy the fact they're staying CLEAN!  Haha!  :)

Breaking up housecleaning throughout the week while the kids are gone, helps me not miss the kids so much, and also means I don't really have to clean when they ARE here. Cleaning the house every other week makes me happy.  :)

After we separated, Richard rented a bedroom in the basement for one year, and just moved out a couple weeks ago (divorced for 7 months; shared house for kids to slowly ease into their adjustments/changes). I am finally organizing and fixing up the basement to my satisfaction. I am also in the process of figuring out how to hang a beautiful tapestry my mom gave me several years ago. I temporarily have it nailed (ahem, don't judge me) to the wall, and what joy to hear the kids exclaim, "It looks nice downstairs, mom!" 

When I put forth effort to make our house look more homey in spite of the fact that certain items are now missing (from divorce/Richard's move out), I've noticed that it makes the kids happy.  :)  :)

Instead of nagging Antonin to finish moving from his old bedroom (an office) to the room his dad had moved out of .... I finally took matters into my own hands and moved all his items to the new room, including clothing he had complained he didn't know where to store. You see, I need to find a dresser for him .... but I made things work in his closet and foot locker.

My going ahead and fixing his new room, WORKED!  My showing a good attitude by being positive and upbeat, was the best medicine. 

Antonin ended up singing while vacuuming his room ... I could hear him all the way upstairs, and it made my heart happy.   :) 

The children will eventually adjust going back and forth between two houses, and I will continue to remember how attitudes are extremely catching. If I desire for my children to adjust well to this -or any other- change, I need to model being positive. It may not come naturally some days, but sometimes the heart (feelings) follows the head (thoughts). The effort in putting a foot forward in cheerfulness, often produces a happy heart.

 Yes, I will refrain from complaining about items I no longer have. I can use creativity that God gave me, to make this house look like a home again .... and it's on its way!

 My house is looking nice and cozy!  :)

I'm back!

I haven't blogged since June!?

Well ... life keeps me busy, what can I say.  :)

I was in the middle of taking two summer classes when my divorce became final. How on earth did I concentrate well enough to pull two A's that semester?   

Another reason it took so long for me to resume blogging, is because I wasn't sure what to say!  I was adjusting to being a single mom, and I didn't think everyone wanted to listen to me moan & groan.  :)

Now divorced for seven months, I think I may be able to blog without sharing about divorce, or other upsetting controversial topics. I'll share my new life as a single mom, but I have no desire for discussion or debate regarding  divorce/dating/remarriage, nor the gay Christian community of which Richard belongs. God remains the Sovereign Judge over all, and I'd like to keep things that way.  :)

So .... what's been happening in my life as I move on?!?!

I'm entering a new semester of  12 credit hours, while working 15-18 hrs a week. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm going a bit crazy, but know this will all be worthwhile one day! I have two more years until my BA degree, and then can elementary school job hunt!  I have enjoyed working with toddlers and preschool age children, but my true desire is to assist elementary school age children.

I find it a challenge keeping up with what's going on with my own kids' school activities (or news), and miss being much more involved in their school days. I'm grateful for email updates from the schools, and am attempting to write everything down this semester .... so I don't forget any band concerts!!! Yes- one evening last semester I was informed (by daughter) of a concert that I didn't know about!!  There have been plenty of such moments, making me feel like a total failure. Then grace steps in and says, "You're ok!  Just go to the concert (or fill-in-the-blank) and enjoy. Smile!" :)

I am learning to live fully within each moment, not expecting perfection from myself nor anyone else.  

My kiddos have grown so much!!!  Caleb now has his driver's license, and Antonin has completed his online driver's ed.instruction. He will be getting his learner's permit the end of February!!!  Ashlyn is very eager and happy to help cook & bake in the kitchen, and her confidence makes me smile. I don't think I was quite as eager to work in the kitchen at her age. I remember always wanting to be outside when I was 12.  :)

Someone told me that I look like a kid in the family picture below.  It's nice knowing that I look young enough to be an older sister.  lol!

These blog posts are going to be short and very random until I get the hang of this again.

Until next time .... have a happy weekend!!

~Changes~

I have been so busy!

Our divorce was final this past Wednesday, and the days leading up to it contained a mixture of  overwhelming fear and anxiety. Surprisingly, I felt the most peaceful the day it was final. I questioned myself, wondering why on earth I didn't feel worse. I actually felt much better- a sense of relief. Why? I have no idea, but maybe some day I'll be able to articulate it.

Richard took me to Panera Bread before heading over to the courthouse. Yes, our relationship remains a civil friendship. The picture below, is looking out of the courthouse window. Afternoon thunderstorms are typical during the summer, and I watched the lightning in the distance thinking how I was leaving the storm clouds behind, walking towards the sun.  :)

This entire experience has taught me never to make hasty judgments about people without knowing their entire story.  Richard & I were married for 18 years, and had three beautiful children together.  Never in a million years did either of us think this would happen.

However, Richard had fought against who he was, until he couldn't take it anymore. 

He's known he was gay since puberty, but kept trying to hide and push back that piece of himself that was actually "him". It would be like a cat trying to be like a dog. Richard put forth much energy into being a husband to me, until it caused much anxiety and depression. No, I'm not a demanding woman- it's simply that I wasn't meeting his in-depth needs. His personal crisis peaked last summer, when he came out and said he could no longer continue faking being someone he was not. This was a matter of integrity for him, he said.

I respect him for not having affairs during our marriage, but I'm understandably saddened that he didn't have all this figured out before our wedding day 18 years ago. 

It's actually a much longer story that this, and maybe someday I'll share. A co-worker tells me that I need to write a book, and that she'll buy it. Haha!! Oh dear ... I don't know about that ....

The most difficult part, has been the debates, discussions, and major misunderstandings between family members.  Raw emotions and hurt hearts have difficulty listening and comprehending opposite sides of fences. I don't want to be in the middle, and try to stay out of it. I've often become angry, however, and am thankful for others' forgiveness when my fuse has blown. 

When this life comes to an end, the only thing that will matter .... is relationships. It won't matter what was debated, what grudges were held onto, or who had the final word. 

Relationships ... so necessary, yet complicated and complex in this world we live in. 

Yes, there is always another side to each person's story.  :)

 So ... I'm officially walking down a new, unfamiliar path.
 My summer classes are half-way through and are keeping me on my toes!  In fact, I probably should have been working on my Political Science class this evening instead of posting here. *sigh* .. I'm simply tired of that class.   :) I can't wait for July 31st- the end of summer semester.

 I'm enjoying my job at the family development center on campus, and love walking this path from a city park to my work's location. During the summer months I'm saving on parking permit costs since my summer classes are online. Come fall, I'll need to purchase parking permits again ... oh joy!

 So many changes, yet I know I'm on the right path. I'm grateful for the Lord's guidance so far, and have confidence of His everlasting love, care, and protection. We'll see what's down this road I'm traveling.  :)

 Here's a couple of beautiful sights that remind me of God's faithfulness even when He doesn't make sense. Even when we question His Sovereign plan (He knew this would happen? Why didn't he stop the wedding?!).

I know that I can trust whatever God is doing.

It's finally spring! :)

Ok, I think it's safe to say that spring has arrived in Colorado's mountains.  :)   Snow has turned to rain, everything is green, and the sprinkler systems are popping out... and it's time for flowers and gardens!

I could have started the peas and lettuce sooner, but didn't have the time to focus on gardening until my spring semester was finished! Lettuce and peas are cool weather plants, and grow well in the cool mountain air. Or at least that's what I researched for my English paper last semester. We'll see how they grow on our deck. Tomatoes don't perform well in this cooler climate, but cherry tomatoes can grow fairly well. Due to my liking tomatoes, I decided to give them a try. Yes, I know there's a good chance of their not thriving .... if all fails, there's always good farmer's markets.  :)

Did I mention how the spring wind can be strong and gusty here? I had placed freshly planted starter seeds on a lawn chair. A gust of wind came and knocked the lawn chair over, throwing the tiny pots completely upside down onto the deck. ugh!!  I'm planting more just in case ... and this time, the little pots remain on the deck floor (the wind doesn't move them when sitting on the floor).

And ... I planted flowers this year, too!  I was so excited to try this high elevation flower/ gardening thing since I didn't plant anything last year. Wish me luck in this experiment!  My hope is that at least the flowers survive.  :)

Oh- and when the sun shines in Colorado, it is intense. Being from the Midwest, I so easily forget and go without sunscreen. Yesterday, after planting flowers and seeds, I sat on the deck to enjoy the beautiful breezy weather and a chat on the phone with my mom. I quickly lost track of time, until I realized my legs were tingling. Lo and behold, I am now sunburned on the front of my legs, and my feet are tan!

This has never happened in all the years I sat on a Florida beach, hoping for tan legs and feet. It just doesn't happens at lower elevations. Ouch! I have discovered the dangers of high elevation suntans!

 I've been applying Aloe Vera gel to my legs, and since there's a green tinge to the gel my legs appear to have a green tint.   LOL!!   

We filed for divorce on St Patrick's Day, I plan to change my last name back to "Shelley" (Irish/Scottish origins), and now I have green legs.  Hahahah! 

One must look for humor in life... and be proud of being Irish?!

And ... always use sunscreen, especially at high elevations!!!   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of highlights from the last couple of weeks ....

Mother's Day was chilly, but nice (no snow). I took the kids to Mueller State Park, proving to be a pleasant time of exploration and simple togetherness.  :)  I am so grateful I get to be their mom!!

 Once my spring semester classes came to an end, I explored Denver with a friend from my former work place. Mabel has always made me laugh, and this "day out" was no exception. What a fun time inspite of the cloudy, overcast day!!  [the sun hid for nearly a week; quite unusual for Colorado]

 And ... last, but not least, I've desired staying put in Colorado Springs in spite of the divorce, partly because it's the best thing for children to have both parents involved in their lives, and partly because I honestly like it here. As you can see, there really are Purple Mountain Majesties!!

Tomorrow, my two online summer classes begin, and I'll grow busy again. My hope is to remain intentional within relationships- especially with my sweet kids'!! 

Aren't you thankful we don't ever do life alone- even in the crazy moments?? 

 Like I've said before, God multiplies my time many, many times over.

I'm looking forward to seeing what He does next week ...

Peace in the storm :)

Life is crazy!!! 

I'm sure most everyone would agree, and have their own stories to share.

First of all, the weather patterns in Colorado Springs are extremely changeable, with being in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains (6,000 feet above sea level). 

Spring time brings both nice weather, and not so nice weather. This is my second spring in Colorado, and I've learned to expect the unexpected. The weather forecast sometimes changes within hours, or in-between forecasts. One minute it's chilly and overcast, and then it's sunny and hot ten minutes later. One learns to always have a jacket within reach during the spring. Oh- and a water bottle.

{Beautiful sunsets make up for any inconveniences during the day.   :) }

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashlyn was thrilled over her little bird house project, and hung it in a tree with newly sprouted leaves. We were so excited that SPRING was HERE!!!!

 Or so we THOUGHT spring was here. An unexpected spring snow storm moved through Colorado, bringing high gusts of wind that caused blizzard conditions. Ashlyn's bird house shattered  .... and I was pleased with how maturely she handled the situation. I was more upset than she was, as I almost melted at the sight of the broken house. She informed me that next time she'd make a bird house with a hammer and nails (this one had been a kit, glued/pieced together).

 I was growing weary of winter, but like most spring snows in Colorado, it all melted away in two days flat. The sun is amazingly intense here!  

Besides the crazy weather, unpredictable events were taking place in my life, too!

I am the type of person who avoids drama at all costs, but somehow ... drama seems finds me anyway. I think it's simply called "Life".  Yes, reactions to our pending divorce, as well as work-place drama. No, I'm not talking about it on this blog.  lol!

Besides finishing up spring semester classes, I'm changing jobs so my hours will fit better around schedules. 

With attempting 12 credit hours this coming fall, I don't want to work more than 20 hrs/wk- for my sanity. This past semester, I've worked 28-30 hours, along with 9  college credit hours and balancing "life".  I'm trying very hard not to be an absent mom. I'd actually prefer being a stay-at-home mom like I was for 16 years ... but this is a new season of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way, Colorado sun rises also make up for any inconveniences.   :)

Though when I saw this out my window, it was difficult concentrating on a paper due later that day. 

Honestly- I believe God  often stops time so that I can get more accomplished in a day.  :)

Even though life has been a tad difficult lately, He's been so good to provide exactly what I need.  He certainly has been a good, good Father!!

I just HAVE to share my favorite song, by Chris Tomlin:

Good, good, Father

~Beginning again~

Tonight, I began a "Starting Over Workshop".

Participating is adding more to my schedule, but I feel I need this, going forward in life as a single mom.

Though I was initially excited about this workshop when first signing up, my feelings turned to trepidation when driving to the location this evening. Why did I sign up, and why didn't I ask someone to come with me?!
 It's very scary walking into a strange place alone (my life flashed before my eyes) ....
I mustered courage to walk into the building and find the room ...to discover there were other people just like me. I breathed a sign of relief and took a seat.
I wasn't alone.
We all have scars and experiences we desire to process before moving forward with our lives. We don't want to be the person who constantly feels the need share a sob story to everyone we meet. We want to "get on with it" and enjoy our lives, be a blessing to others, be involved in community (like we used to) ....which means embracing our present lives for what it is. And, yes, it's certainly a process.

Tonight, we talked about "Myths on growing and healing".
During the next five weeks we'll cover topics like, "Understanding your identity", "The depths of forgiveness", "Letting go of the past", "How do I relate now?", and "Assuming new responsibilities".

There was an article recently in the Gazette, and thought I'd share it through the following link:

Starting Over!

I've already had eight months to process most things, and have sensed a transition within myself. I'm looking forward to continuing to learn and grow within this new life .... and then some day, hope to see what God's Sovereign plan was in all of this. If I believe God is Sovereign, I have nothing to fear, and everything to hope for.  

Crazy living

The hardest part about going to school, working a job,  and having three children .... is that I often feel guilty for my time spent on homework and study. 

Or, sometimes I forget about appointments, until Ashlyn sweetly reminds me of her Parent/Teacher Conference the next day. Eek- I quickly cover the surprise on my face and pretend I've always known. Haha! Good thing my attorney's appointment was scheduled for a couple hours after the Conference. Or maybe I had planned it that way all along?  I honestly don't remember. 

Ashlyn decorated her own Conference folder to share with us, and did a great job presenting her school work and grades. I think she's much more comfortable speaking in public than I ever was at her age. We were impressed! :)

I am thankful for how much Ashlyn loves her school. With it being her first year in public school, I was worried about her at first. She has a great relationship with her teacher and classmates, and has blossomed in many ways within her academics. There's no doubt in my mind that her school was a God-send this year. :) 

It's difficult to believe, but Ashlyn will be entering Junior High this fall- 6th grade!

Within my disbelief, I'm making a note to check into the Middle School's beginning band and/or choir, in case we should already be signing up. She's expressed an interest in choir, though I'd also like her to choose an instrument to learn.... so ... obviously, lots to consider and questions to ask  (hopefully we haven't missed any announcements...). 

 Trumpet player Antonin will be entering high school this fall, so I need to verify that he's all set with high school band. Can you believe he missed the band try-outs (because I was at work and he forgot and walked home instead of staying after school like he was supposed to). Anonin will do a great job in the entry level band for 9th grade ... even though I know he is capable of harder music.  Ugh!!!  Yes, these are the most difficult things in life, with balancing a job, family, and taking 9 college credit hours. I can either choose to get stressed out, or laugh. So, I choose to laugh.  :)  And ... I will also email the high school band teacher to ask questions.

Nothing to write about Caleb right now, other than he will be in 11th grade this fall, and is still in need of much driving practice/time. With the amount of snow we've been getting, and conflicting schedules, it seems he doesn't drive very often .... we're trying!!  :) Another guilt moment ..

 I need to finish this blog post and ask Ashlyn what's up. She's baking cupcakes for Easter, and has been talking a mile a minute about our plans tomorrow. It HAS been hard getting into the "spirit" of Easter traditions this year, so I'm really glad Ashlyn has made a list.  :) 

Did I mention there's about 5 inches of snow on the ground outside? 

Our plans tomorrow include going to church, eating a late lunch (ham, potatoes, etc.), and enjoying an indoor egg hunt (because of the snow). 

{.... I'm SO thankful for the true meaning of Easter!!! Jesus was thinking of me when he hung on the cross, and then rose from the dead. He took away ALL my shame and guilt so that I can live guilt-free. Yes, even within this crazy life I now find myself in (He knew what was going to happen). Though it's been difficult getting into the spirit of traditions this year, Easter now has an even greater and deeper meaning to me.}