Sunday, June 27, 2010

An attempt at humor

Ok ... here's my humorous assignment--it looks different from the Word format, of course. :)
Since I do not always find my present-day challenges (stories) funny, I had to think back several years ago when the kids were still toddlers and preschoolers .... hee hee ... stories become more funny as time marches on. :) :) :)

Mommy Moments
by Sara Sorrell
I have discovered motherhood to be the most fulfilling job on earth — and the toughest on mental elasticity. I recently posted a checklist on my kitchen cabinet with a few important reminders for mothers like myself who need encouragement during the chaos.
Beware of Travel
Never back a vehicle without first studying the rear view and side mirrors. I also recommend looking over both shoulders, especially in parking lots. Should you hear a “thump” while backing, please investigate instead of assuming the kids are playing catch with their shoes.
Listen to your children’s insistence that they hear a hissing sound. Don’t laugh that the sound may be a trapped wasp or snake in a vent, as this ssssound may signal a deflating tire. Calmly pull your vehicle over and investigate, replaying tire changing drills in your head.
When the children fight in the van, stop on the shoulder of the road to deal with the situation. Do not reach behind your seat while glaring into the rear view mirror. The vehicle in front of you may stop suddenly, or the driver behind you may decide to pass with a dirty look.
Expect the Unexpected
When your children cry, “Mom!” in unison, the timer continually beeps, the iPod blares from sticky little hands, the doorbell rings, your naked toddler tepees the bathroom with an entire roll of toilet paper and overflows the toilet, hold your breath one minute before moving, reacting, or cleaning. Let the children watch a video while you don hazardous waste camouflage. Ha! Moms are known for uttering regretful words while cleaning up after toddlers.
Several minutes later when your husband calls from a business trip in Florida, remember that he really does appreciate all you do at home, when he asks, “So, how is your day going?”
Count to ten and remember that when you are an old lady you will miss these days.
Avoid Assumptions
When your husband returns home from work or from a business trip, put aside your frustrations from the day, week, or month, and greet him cheerfully — or at least try. Yes, it’s okay to be honest and whisper through clenched teeth, “I have some things to talk about after dinner ....”
Remember that when he first arrives home, your children may transform into little angels, giving him the impression that you are overreacting to the day’s events. Compiling lists throughout the day takes all emotion out of situations and succeeds in fully articulating the gritty details.
Prioritize
Plan date nights with your husband, even when you feel that life in general has drained all creative juices from you. He cannot read your mind when you need a break to reconnect with him. Your man works hard all day, and may need a gentle reminder to help plan something fun — just make sure you have a list of suggestions.
Absolutely do not take the kids along on your day or night out. Leave them at home with a babysitter or switch off babysitting with another like-minded family, if money is an issue. Make date night a priority, no matter how much the children scream for you. Remember, your child’s phase of screaming will pass, and so will tipping the babysitter to stay.
Reassess
Being Mom remains a special, high calling from God, even when you feel overwhelmed with cleaning bathrooms, wiping noses, and maintaining relationships. You are shaping the lives of your children, and these moments are racing by much quicker than you realize. What you do now really does matter, in spite of your grueling routine.
Live a balanced life by considering resumption of a few interests and hobbies, no matter how small. You will not only feel saner in the midst of unpredictable days, but will eventually pass knowledge and skill on to your children — including mechanical engineering and plumbing. Most importantly, make time for prayer and devotions. You may feel you will never regain misplaced brain cells, but remember that God looks on the heart and not at your frazzled, outward appearance. Keep regular appointments with God for strength and endurance needed for the rigors of motherhood.

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