Tuesday, May 23, 2017

End of semester and beginning of summer!

I actually have this summer off! My semester ended two weeks ago, and am already questioning where time has went. Everything I had planned for this summer... is it getting done? oh my ..
Remember that Economics class that was killing me? Well ... the instructor resigned a week before finals and failed to leave a final exam for the Department of Economics to give us. Chaotic story shorter, everything was graded on the curve, and I handed in extra credit. I ended up with an A- in the class!!!
No, I don't know what was going on with the instructor's personal or professional life, but I'm so grateful the students were taken care of by the Chairman and Dean.  Another lesson regarding not worrying about anything. 

Even with the end of spring semester, I'm still lacking time, and find that exhaustion accompanies it. I don't understand how some people can hold certain expectations of me.... or of any other single mom in the world. They honestly don't comprehend the exhaustion and/or challenges of single parenthood. 
One expectation I've noted, is that I remain single for an indefinite amount of time until I have somehow reached a pinnacle of "maturity" for remarriage. How can others even know what's inside my heart and mind to know when I am ready for another relationship?! lol!! Wouldn't I know this before anyone else, since I know myself better than anyone could?  I have noticed that when someone loses a spouse through death, seeking another mate is much more encouraged and supported by outsiders and/or friends. However, when a person loses a spouse through divorce, the divorced person is assumed to need many years of counsel while remaining a single hermit, or face friends' silence or indifference on the topic of dating. In reality, someone who has processed an end of marriage and divorce over a span of 2-3 years (or more), may actually be more "emotionally mature" and ready for a new relationship than someone whose spouse just died six months ago. Oh- I also realize that some do not believe in remarriage after divorce, but I'm not referring to that and won't get into that discussion.  :) 
So ... people may wonder why single moms prefer hanging out with other single moms? The dating topic likely is a fraction of it.  lol!!
Anyone who has experienced single parenthood knows the exhaustion and challenges involved ... and the importance of "teaming up" with a future spouse (for the benefit of the children, by the way. This also totally goes against what most people think).

I enjoyed a quiet Mother's Day with my three special children!!
They really are a bright light in my life, and I'm grateful I had/have the opportunity to be their mom!


 Caleb now works at Dairy Queen and has his driver's license; Antonin has his driver's permit, continues to play trumpet in school band and participate in Track & Cross Country.
Ashlyn enjoys playing clarinet in band, and has done a WONDERFUL job adjusting to Middle School this past year!!!  I am immensely proud of ALL three kiddos for adjusting to going back and forth between two homes this semester. 

I got together with my mentor yesterday for coffee at Till's, and we thought these bicycle racks were pretty amazing!!!!    :)  :) 

 She's my mentor, but I think we're about the same age.  lol!!
What a treat getting together for coffee (latte for me)!!!

One summer project I'm hoping to get done quickly- possibly before our June trip to Indiana- is to repaint the deck. A thoughtful neighbor removed as much old paint as possible (with the boys' help), but paint is stubborn. Tomorrow, I will begin sanding .... and hopefully it will not take me all day since I'd like to begin painting. lol! Projects always end up taking twice as long, so we'll see how things go. This will likely be a Memorial Day project with the kids' help.  :)

And ... yes! I cannot forget to mention how impressed I am with doTERRA, and how much I love their essential oils!! I am implementing oils within my daily life, and have seen improvements in so many areas. For instance, even though the life of a single mom is one of exhaustion, being able to be "uplifted" by peppermint and wild orange fragrance clears the mind and helps one begin their day more positively. :)  I am honestly not as exhausted as I *could* be. My children are also benefiting, though they inform me that I'm addicted. lol!
My personal website in case you'd like to check it out:  http://mydoterra.com/sarajuneflower


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Welcome Spring! :)

I am so grateful for a beautiful spring!!!! My life finally returned to a new normal during the winter, and I have anticipated new life for awhile!  :)  :)  :) 
I can finally walk around the neighborhood without thinking people are talking about me. Before you determine I'm just hyper sensitive ... it's very uncomfortable when neighbors sitting across the street suddenly stop their loud talking when you come into view during your walk. Yes, likely good & pleasant things were shared, but noticeable silence often stings more than words. I dislike not knowing what people are saying, and will join in the conversation next time.   :)  Honestly, by the end of the day, a single mom is very tired and not in the mood to approach individuals who appear to be observing her. No matter how nice the observant person is. :) Relationships and networking are both very important, however, and I need to work on being more open to spontaneous conversation with observant people.  Don't take me wrong ... I live in a fantastic neighborhood and am truly grateful for thoughtful neighbors who have been such a wonderful help (the best ones are the parent(s) of my kids' friends)!! :)   :)  I need to give back eventually ...


I have experienced an entire year of paperwork (filed for divorce last March), and am super excited to see a light at the end of the business tunnel!!! I am now a home owner, an Edward Jones customer, and a full-time college student. Nearly a year ago, I successfully applied for individual health & dental insurance, appealed for financial aid (& received 2 student grants!), and bought my first car (with a loan). Oh- and paperwork for auto and home insurance. :)   My Edward Jones person recommended getting Life Insurance and creating a Will. I groaned at the thought of MORE paperwork, but went ahead and applied for term life insurance. I plan to make an appointment soon with a lawyer to create a will. It's been two years ago in July, that I  first accepted the end of my marriage, and it's been one full year of endless paperwork. I am now good and ready for normal living!!  Well, a "new normal" living.  :)

Since I was still pretty new to the area, and had temporarily discontinued our church search during our separation and divorce process, I found myself attending Woodmen Valley Chapel since it was close by. It was only 10 minutes away. Seriously- I am always right on time these days (vs. being early), and I need a church to be as close as possible!!!
Through Woodmen Valley, I heard about a ministry for single moms, called "SEEN". I have been enjoying the times together, and often realize how blessed I am. My story could have been SO much worse!  I am often humbled when I recognize that I haven't yet struggled in areas other single moms have struggled. I'm often tempted to worry and fear that times will grow much worse since I've only been financially responsible for myself for 1 year (the women experiencing financial difficulty have been single longer), and then I quickly make myself think about Jesus, and ask Him to please keep taking care of me.

Though I've been financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually responsible of myself for just one year, it's been two years ago in July since my life changed. I am very grateful for God's grace, protection, and provision! I am immensely thankful that He has healed and begun a new work, and I have learned a lot more about myself than ever!! I have learned how to simplify life and do what is "well and healthy" for myself.   :)  I know that sounds hippy-like, but it's very true! So often, we fall into a rut of doing what everyone else does. "How would so-and-so respond to this problem?" In order to eliminate unhealthy stress, I've learned to ask God what is best for me before making decisions. I've made a few unwise choices, and discovered I had failed to pray and ask what was best for me in those situations. So .... I guess you'd say that I've been learning how to set aside any legalism that keeps wanting to hold on to me.  :)  I am thinking for myself, trusting that God somehow knows what He is doing. He has led me well into what's best for me. Nothing really makes sense at this point, but I'm sure there will be a better chapter one of these days. 

My spring semester is winding down, and my Economics class is killing me. The good news is that I paid extra to practice problems online (perhaps one of my unwise choices that now I think ended up being good)... and there is free tutoring on campus. I am hopeful to "hit" the tutoring later this week, and then study with a classmate on Saturday (a female- don't jump to conclusions so fast!). I honestly hope I do alright on the test!!

Two more years until my BA degree seems like a long time, and I am prayerful that God has more ideas in his mind for me besides schooling. :)  Some people think it's good to stay busy. I believe there is a good balance, and each person has to find their individualized balance. Staying aware of my children's continued need of me (even though they are teens & pre-teen), if I need to work less while in college, I will. Sometimes "busy" is not always good, and another area where I'm learning to listen to my heart. I want to do what's best for me and my kids.  :) Balancing my heart with real life is where I obviously need God to step in .....   lol!

Oh- I joined doTERRA essential oils to help keep myself and kids healthy. This is an area I have felt that I've needed to take better care of myself (health & wellness). I am loving my oils because they are amazing!  I will share more about my oils next time!!



Tuesday, March 21, 2017

March already!

So ... now it's mid-March?!

     Spring semester has been flying by with no holidays to celebrate (we didn't get President's Day off), and I'm very much looking forward to spring break next week!!!   :)  :) 

     I often keep my life to myself when in public or at work, because if conversation turns towards me, I hear, "I don't know how you do it!!"
Well, I simply place one foot in front of the other. No, I'm not a career driven woman, dreaming of my future job once I graduate from college in two years.
     If people could fully understand ... that I used to live my dream as a stay-at-home, home school mom. I used to have more time for things I enjoyed, including time spent with my children. Life wasn't perfect of course, but it was much more aligned with the desires of my heart.
     Now, I navigate a rigid schedule of full-time college student, homework, part-time employee, and full time housekeeper/mom...though I find little leisure time with my children. My present life is definitely not something to admire. Therefore ... when someone says, "I don't know how you do it!!!"  .... I reply, "I don't either!!"    :) 
     I've spent the last nine months keeping my head above a sea of paperwork. I received two student grants this year (after appealing for financial aid), and then began the process of refinancing my home and transferring half my ex-husband's retirement funds into my own Edward Jones accounts. I am so thankful that I don't yet have student loans, and am hopeful it will stay that way! 
     Nine months after the divorce was finalized (June 2016), I am happy to say that all paperwork has finally ended!!!  Woohoo!!!!
     With the refinancing process over, I'm now purchasing items for the house and making note of various projects I need to tackle. 
I found great deals at IKEA this past weekend, including a dresser for Antonin. I love how everything fit nicely in my RAV4!!!    :)  :) 

     Also, I've been redeeming my credit card points toward gift cards for various stores and restaurants. This way, I can feel like I'm getting free things for the house (or a great discount) when I go shopping.  And, I can eat at my favorite restaurant for "free" during my alone weekends.   :)  Yes, I am getting used to being alone every other weekend.  I know what you're dying to ask .... am I dating yet?
     I am discovering how difficult it is navigating the dating world, and find that having two teenagers and one pre-teen actually deters suitors. Plus, since I don't look my age, I shock many people with my *having* kids. lol! That would be funny if I end up with someone 20 years younger, since I'm constantly on UCCS's campus. Just because I wrote this does not indicate I will be jumping blindly into any relationships. lol!
     What about female friends?! Well, seeing how my life has changed 180 degrees .... when I have free time (weekends), most old friends are busy with their families. It's typically much easier going on a hike by myself on a beautiful day, than to try and arrange around others' schedules. Surviving full weeks means my brain grows tired of thinking and scheduling. The last thing I want to do is "think" for the weekends. This remains the most challenging aspect of single-motherhood, since I never plan ahead anymore (much more spontaneous) but I don't intend to neglect friendships!! I am doing the best I can, including making new single mom friends. It has been a refreshing experience meeting and getting to know other single mothers like myself at a weekly Bible Study. Perhaps, I will invite a couple of them on a weekend outing soon, since we're in the same boat and they may be just as spontaneous as me.  :)
                               


     Just remember ... unless you've walked in the rocky shoes of single mothers around you, be careful of your responses and jumping to conclusions about their character. They may just need to talk... and be reminded that they're still beautiful women. Also, allow your single mom friends to dream how their futures may look. There isn't anything inerrantly evil thinking optimistically toward the future and praying for a new chapter with a new boyfriend and/or husband. Some people call it "Hope".   :)

Monday, February 6, 2017

Life moves on

Life moves on .... I'm in the process of refinancing my house, as well as choosing a financial adviser to help me with retirement funds.
I'm guessing life may slow down after tax season?

I almost groaned today when I looked at the calendar to see how close we are to Valentine's Day. Not because I'm a single mom, nor that my anniversary used to be within the month of February .... but because I will need to stay away from Facebook and the radio. After awhile, everyone's mushy stories begin to annoy me. I was actually this way before the divorce, so maybe it's just me. I'll simply roll my eyes, sigh, and eat peppermint york patties. lol!  :)

No, February isn't bothering me due to my divorce.
My personality type is  INFJ (Meyer's Brigg's personality assessment), so I am honestly just fine!
 If you google INFJ, you will discover this personality has no trouble walking away from bad and/or unhealthy relationships once it's apparent all effort & hope has been exhausted. Richard and I had stayed married until he could no longer take the strain of being someone he wasn't. One of these days I may blog about my stance on gays...and our story ...

I must admit that the INFJ in me became annoyed by well-meaning individuals encouraging that things could "change", and the marriage restored. They couldn't begin to comprehend how I was relieved to walk away, and for Richard to finally move out. Yes, I would miss the deep friendship we had (we will always be friends), but the situation would not, could not, ever. "change".  Richard was Richard, and would always be Richard. Suggesting we return to a place where Richard was deeply depressed from attempting to love his wife (unnatural for him).... was not a place I desired to be. My INFJ personality had taken up slack where Richard lagged...and why people never knew by observing us, that he didn't deeply love me. 
So.... it was time to move on... the healthiest "next thing to do". 
God blessed with peace in moving forward (or INFJ resolve?)...and then I discovered others were hurting too .... and that my words weren't helping.    :(   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to the topic of February .... all is well this month. It really is.
 I'll love on my kids as usual.   :)  :)

Oh- and possibly date online?  Ugh!!!!
I honestly cannot stand the dating process, and am all for arranged marriages.  Joking!!!!!
I think that's an INFJ trait too .... quite capable of love, but hates "dating"....

For those wanting to read about INFJ's ....

https://www.google.com/#q=INFJ

Monday, January 30, 2017

Coffee



I'm at work at 7:30AM Monday mornings since my Science for Teacher's class takes up three hours of my late morning/early afternoon. Oh- the Science quiz was just fine, by the way! I actually like electricity and magnetism!
Anyhow, I  go to work early mornings,  due to classes and/or desiring to be home in the afternoons. My huge, huge weakness has been stopping at McD's for coffee or Latte's. Starbuck's is even better!
After a lame attempt to cut back ... I was still spending $22 on coffee/latte's last month according to my credit card statement ....
I decided that instead of "cutting back", I would simply make a substitution. I'd finally use the coffee pot that's been hiding in the pantry since the move here!! A friend from Illinois let me borrow it for my parties when I sold Watkins products (cooking spices; cinnamon; pepper; vanilla).
 Well, the coffee pot moved to Colorado with me, and I'm grateful that friend in Illinois is still my friend! :)  lol!

I've been making my own coffee each morning ... and have successfully fought temptation to stop at McD's on the way home from school or work. The battle is very real, however. It took all my willpower to come straight home today and NOT try out the nearest McD's drive through. 
I drove home and fixed my second cup of coffee (the first one was at 6:45AM).

Some days, one just needs coffee! Especially when you stay up late and get up early, right? lol!
I really am good about taking care of myself ... seriously.
But ... I'm a full time college student, part time employee, and a single mom. Coffee is my reality.
Or perhaps I just like the creamer.  :)

New Routine

It's hard saying goodbye to the kids on Sunday evening and watching them drive away to their dad's house.
Yep, you read this correctly. Caleb has his driver's license now, so he drives everywhere!!

Though saying goodbye every other Sunday evening is hard, I determined that I would make this new schedule work in my favor. 

After saying goodbye to the children, I changed into workout clothes, and exercised at my nearest YMCA. It was only an hour until closing, but that is just enough time for me to work up a sweat.   :)
Then, I returned home and stripped all the beds for laundry. Since the kids aren't home this evening (nor all week), it won't matter to leave clean laundry sitting on the couch until I have time to fold it and//or make their beds!
In between laundry, I read the Science chapter for tomorrow's in-class quiz, which happened to be on electricity and magnetism. I hope to remember the concepts for tomorrow, acknowledging that I really should read these chapters sooner than the evening before the quiz.

Taking a break from Science, I cleaned the kids' bathrooms while my iPod blared music from Pandora Radio. Cleaning with blaring music remains my favorite household activity!!!
The best part is that the kids' bathrooms will remain clean ALL WEEK !! Woohoo!!

Throughout the remainder of this week, I will clean various parts of the house a little at a time (kitchen; downstairs), and then walk by the kids' bathrooms to enjoy the fact they're staying CLEAN!  Haha!  :)
Breaking up housecleaning throughout the week while the kids are gone, helps me not miss the kids so much, and also means I don't really have to clean when they ARE here. Cleaning the house every other week makes me happy.  :)

After we separated, Richard rented a bedroom in the basement for one year, and just moved out a couple weeks ago (divorced for 7 months; shared house for kids to slowly ease into their adjustments/changes). I am finally organizing and fixing up the basement to my satisfaction. I am also in the process of figuring out how to hang a beautiful tapestry my mom gave me several years ago. I temporarily have it nailed (ahem, don't judge me) to the wall, and what joy to hear the kids exclaim, "It looks nice downstairs, mom!" 


When I put forth effort to make our house look more homey in spite of the fact that certain items are now missing (from divorce/Richard's move out), I've noticed that it makes the kids happy.  :)  :)
Instead of nagging Antonin to finish moving from his old bedroom (an office) to the room his dad had moved out of .... I finally took matters into my own hands and moved all his items to the new room, including clothing he had complained he didn't know where to store. You see, I need to find a dresser for him .... but I made things work in his closet and foot locker.
My going ahead and fixing his new room, WORKED!  My showing a good attitude by being positive and upbeat, was the best medicine. 
Antonin ended up singing while vacuuming his room ... I could hear him all the way upstairs, and it made my heart happy.   :) 

The children will eventually adjust going back and forth between two houses, and I will continue to remember how attitudes are extremely catching. If I desire for my children to adjust well to this -or any other- change, I need to model being positive. It may not come naturally some days, but sometimes the heart (feelings) follows the head (thoughts). The effort in putting a foot forward in cheerfulness, often produces a happy heart.
 Yes, I will refrain from complaining about items I no longer have. I can use creativity that God gave me, to make this house look like a home again .... and it's on its way!
 My house is looking nice and cozy!  :)

Thursday, January 19, 2017

I'm back!

I haven't blogged since June!?
Well ... life keeps me busy, what can I say.  :)
I was in the middle of taking two summer classes when my divorce became final. How on earth did I concentrate well enough to pull two A's that semester?   

Another reason it took so long for me to resume blogging, is because I wasn't sure what to say!  I was adjusting to being a single mom, and I didn't think everyone wanted to listen to me moan & groan.  :)

Now divorced for seven months, I think I may be able to blog without sharing about divorce, or other upsetting controversial topics. I'll share my new life as a single mom, but I have no desire for discussion or debate regarding  divorce/dating/remarriage, nor the gay Christian community of which Richard belongs. God remains the Sovereign Judge over all, and I'd like to keep things that way.  :)


So .... what's been happening in my life as I move on?!?!
I'm entering a new semester of  12 credit hours, while working 15-18 hrs a week. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm going a bit crazy, but know this will all be worthwhile one day! I have two more years until my BA degree, and then can elementary school job hunt!  I have enjoyed working with toddlers and preschool age children, but my true desire is to assist elementary school age children.

I find it a challenge keeping up with what's going on with my own kids' school activities (or news), and miss being much more involved in their school days. I'm grateful for email updates from the schools, and am attempting to write everything down this semester .... so I don't forget any band concerts!!! Yes- one evening last semester I was informed (by daughter) of a concert that I didn't know about!!  There have been plenty of such moments, making me feel like a total failure. Then grace steps in and says, "You're ok!  Just go to the concert (or fill-in-the-blank) and enjoy. Smile!" :)

I am learning to live fully within each moment, not expecting perfection from myself nor anyone else.  

My kiddos have grown so much!!!  Caleb now has his driver's license, and Antonin has completed his online driver's ed.instruction. He will be getting his learner's permit the end of February!!!  Ashlyn is very eager and happy to help cook & bake in the kitchen, and her confidence makes me smile. I don't think I was quite as eager to work in the kitchen at her age. I remember always wanting to be outside when I was 12.  :)

Someone told me that I look like a kid in the family picture below.  It's nice knowing that I look young enough to be an older sister.  lol!



These blog posts are going to be short and very random until I get the hang of this again.

Until next time .... have a happy weekend!!